Protecting Your Child from Your Relationship Issues

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Unfortunately, all relationships have their ups and downs.
When we are with someone for a long time, it’s only natural that we have the occasional disagreement. We’re different people, with different interests and ideas. We don’t always think and feel the same, and sometimes, this can lead to tension.

Even the most in-tune couple have the occasional argument when they disagree, and it would be naive to think that only couples that need child support because of a divorce argue. Some couples even find a good argument is healthy. It clears the air, stops them from bottling things up and gives them a chance to move on and get things right. But, these arguments, even those quiet and controlled ones where voices aren’t raised, can affect our children. Here are some of the ways that you can protect them.

Be Honest with Them

Protecting your children from your relationship issues doesn’t have to mean hiding them. Of course, you shouldn’t have blazing rows in front of them, and they don’t need to know the details. But, it’s ok to have some honesty. It’s ok for them to grow up knowing that adults don’t always agree, that they can disagree and still love and care for each other and that a disagreement doesn’t have to mean that something terrible is happening.

How much you tell them will depend on their age, maturity and your relationship and situation. But, it’s ok for them to grow up with a realistic view of adult relationships. It might even help them when they start their own.

Pay Them Some Attention

Hopefully, most of your disagreements will be short and easily sorted. But, sometimes there will be tension. You and your partner might still feel angry and annoyed, and it’s easy to let these feelings take over. This is when your mood starts to affect your children. It’s when they begin to feel as though it’s about them.

So, break the ice. Remember to pay your children plenty of attention. Take them to the park, sit and watch TV with them and make an effort to ask them about their day. Put them first, and try to keep their routine normal.

Provide Reassurance

If your children are school age, chances are they know children with divorced or separated parents. It’s not uncommon. But, this can mean that your children jump to the worst conclusions at even the slightest hint of an argument. Reassure them if you’ve been arguing, or even if there’s been a tense atmosphere. Let them know that everything will be ok. Don’t promise that you’ll never separate, but reassure them that you both love them, and they will always have you both.

Don’t Argue Around Them

Try not to argue, even quietly, when your children are around. They pick up on a lot more than you think they do. Don’t raise voices even in different rooms, they will hear. Try to minimise arguments, speak rationally, and never shout at or disrespect each other in front of your children.